Honouring 74

Until I got married, it was always the two of us against the world. Losing her first husband when she was close to my age (31), meeting my father a few years after, divorcing years later, in a crazy way, she was always the rock that those around could count on her. Including myself.

Growing up, I remember our house always full of people, always telling someone about Jesus, always cooking a meal for someone. Always singing worship songs even doing the most mundane tasks. As a teenager, her singing was my cue for ”everything is ok”.

We always had a good relationship, open and always easy to talk, but weirdly enough with Covid19 for the past year, like the rest of the world, I could not travel anymore, at all.

If you’re new here, I live in London and my mom lives in Transylvania (Romania). And not seeing each other face to face for a year, took our relationship through some challenging moments.

It was the first time in my life when I said, God, I don’t know how to talk to her anymore without arguing about the most stupid things. My mom lives alone, I’m the only child, so no matter how upset we are with one another, we FaceTime daily and full honestly for the entire month of January (2021), I couldn’t call her without being anxious about another talk or disagreement that would end up with both of us in tears. It was that bad.

I don’t know about you, but when I feel stuck or I don’t know what to do, I go to the bible, I pray. Sometimes is my first resort, sometimes, in my own foolishness is the last thing that I do.

But no matter the time frame, I always end up in prayer and in this challenging January, I started praying with all my heart for my mom, for our relationship and praying for wisdom in how can I honour her as an adult.

I’m not a kid anymore and I have my own life, I make my own decisions and so forth, but I want to have divine wisdom in knowing how to navigate everything without her feeling left out. That I forget about her or don’t need her anymore. Which as adults, without even wanting, we might behave like that.

Long story short, you know I like lists and bullet points, so here are a few things that I learned (definitely still working on this) about how to honour my mom, my parents as an adult:

• Telling them often how thankful I am for them
• Seek their advice (asking my mom about a new cooking recipe? I know, we have google, but asking her for help with this, give us a chance to do something together)
• Encourage them – ageing can be difficult, I try to remind them that no matter what, every season has its own beauty
• Taking care of them, even financially if possible. As much as I can, I try to make sure they don’t lack anything
• If I’m in the country, I try to go for a walk when I have a chance or watch something together. Spoiler, like half of Romania, my mom is a big fan of Turkish TV Shows, guess what? I started watching a show just because she is so invested in them and to my surprise, they are quite catchy ??
• Remember special events. (Birthdays, anniversaries, etc.)
• Always speak highly of them
• Honour their legacy

These are just a few things that I try to do. I am not perfect and when it comes to relationships there are always new things to do/improve, but I want to do my best, to grow in this.

Going back to my rough patch with my mom from a few months ago, one of my friends pointed out that we both behave like that because we are actually hurt. We miss each other and we don’t know how to cope with the long-distance. This person was so spot on. I had to let God heal my heart with this, both of our hearts actually.

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise— “so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth. – Ephesians 6:1-3

Let’s not forget, that no matter how old we are or how far we are distance-wise, we still need our parents.